crazy times...

i love it all. i do....every emotion, every God given peak and valley. i feel as if i am finally letting go. the tight grip i had on the direction of my life, the control i had over my future...i am realizing that when i let go, God is able to regain the hold on me which He desires. not to confine me, not to hold me back from anything that i might be missing. (Proverbs 9:17-18) in His hands...FREEDOM reigns!!

that sounds so funny coming out of my mouth, a guy that has been leading a student ministry for a time, i have spoken in several churches and different rallies about following Jesus...and i say that now i am finally letting go. but it is the truth, the Lord is revealing great things in my life. lately there has been a conviction in my life, it is this...am i smoking what i am selling? is my life a reflection of Jesus, and how do you do more than talk about following/live for God? Is this me, 2 Corinthians 5:17 . and if it is...why do i look/live so much like my former life?

ok, i am not talking about being a freak or something. going around condemning, beating people over the head with bibles, yelling about hell fire and brimstone....or anything else like that. i am still me, but why do i continue to sin...and the worst part is i tend to think it is ok? and why is there not miraculous things going on in my life like there was in the early church?

there is obviously more than i can answer going on here, but this is what God is teaching me right now. in order for my life to change, to live completely in Jesus...to have this kind of life...john 10:10 . it takes more than me believing in the cross. it takes more than me simply believing in my head that God raised Jesus from the grave and now i get out of hell...ok, so now what?

Jesus says this in John 15:9-12...
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

He, Jesus, wants His joy to be in me AND He wants my joy to be complete. i am assuming that this means more than just happiness...i am assuming that this is a complete kind of thing, kind of like a full life kind of thing. there is an IF on the front end of this statement..."if you obey my commands, ..." so if i obey Jesus' commands, His joy...His complete joy will be in me and my joy will be complete IF...my life, my purpose, my resurected life that i am no longer dead, my new creation life...it will be complete if i obey Jesus' commands. k? so, like obey the 10 commands? dont kill, cheat or lie? dont cuss, drink and smoke? what is the key to this kind of life???? "my command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

well i might as well just punt...b/c i can not love like Jesus loved. Luke 6:27-36 this is just one way in which Jesus tells how to love! WHAT?? good luck...good luck trying to pull this off!! i am doomed to fail if this is the standard...i will screw this up every time, and i might as well resolve to a crappy life with bills and heart ache and empty dreams. joy is not in the house for daniel!!!

but...biggest word in the bible...but Ephesians 2 ....check out how many "but's" there are in this one chapter that change the landscape of my life!! but God!!! and Jesus says in john 14, that he promises the Counsleor. and he says in john 14:20 that He will be IN us. that word IN changes everything...and i do not understand it, nor fully grasp it...but i am learning how to live according to Jesus IN me. b/c i cant do luke 6:27-36...BUT God can!!!

sorry so long, i am hashing out a message and this helps tremendously...good luck with all this...i will post more later...